Lawn Bags

While cleaning up my garden for the fall, I have come to the conclusion that you can tell a lot about a man (or woman) by his lawn bags.

Walmart:  “My wife only lets me have them when she deems it a necessary expense on her shopping trip”

This man is cheap, his wife is a coupon extraordinaire, and unbeknownst to them they are going to spend twice as much after 50% of the bags rip while trying to over stuff them to save 10 cents.  Don’t stop to chat, he will ask to borrow a tool or your hand or your truck.  He may never give them back, at least until his wife says so.

Sam’s Club or Costco:  “It was such a great deal!”

These bags are old, I’m talking 2 or 3 or 4 years.  He doesn’t use them, hell he probably has a grass cutting company and never plants an annual flower (I’ll wait, go look).  But he had to buy them, because, well, it was a hell of a deal!  Stop on by, he may have other treasures sitting around, unopened, waiting for you to take them home.  Be sure to grab a few lawn bags on your way out, but use them as a test area for spray paint first.

Lowe's:  “I picked them up while I was there, had to get a new light fixture”

This guy is pretty.  He may be manly, but he is pretty.  He knows how choose the perfect accent and save a few bucks by installing it himself, but never, ever, ever ask him to install anything that has to do with plumbing, electrical, or hardware that requires more than 1 power tool.  He folds his clothes, showers every day and enjoys a beer as much as a glass of wine.  When you see him outside using his Lowes lawn bags, stop and say hello, he will be happy for a man to man chat and likely offer you a beer.

Home Depot:  “I’m doing something, leave me the $#!& alone!”

He is a man’s man.  He can use any power, hand or air tool you throw at him.  This guy does something hands on for a living and is not likely to admit when he cannot do something of any other manly sort.  He is dirty, smells, hardly clean shaven and quite often his wife has to remind him to shower.  His clothes always seem to miss the hamper, but his tools are perfectly nested in the thousands of dollars worth of tool chests he proudly boasts about.  If you see him stuffing his Home Depot lawn bags to the perfect amount, without rips, and with just enough weight to make it annoying, DO NOT APPROACH HIM…… He is DOING something DAMN IT, and he is not in the mood to gossip with the likes of you!

So, which ones are we you might ask.......

Yep, we are doing something.  So unless you grab a pair of gloves, shut up and get to work, just wave and keep walking to the next Lowe's bag you see.  Happy fall clean up!

Ps, at least give me credit if you copy this, it is after all my strange mind you wandered into.